My first month as a mummy of two.

Emilie is now 4 weeks old (exactly one month tomorrow!)
This time is flying by and I thought I'd reflect on my first month as a mummy of two.
It's been so much different to how I expected.
I honestly thought I wouldn't cope right from the word go.
I had images of me giving up and depression taking over.
I guess that's what happens when people are constantly knocking your confidence.
The moment I held her in my arms I felt a sudden urge of love, and then a sudden urge of 'I'm totally in control and I can do this'.
When we were allowed to take her home, nerves didn't rack my brain.. just excitement for the future with our two girls. 
The days passed and as I gained strength after a difficult after birth experience, my confidence shot up.
The first 2 weeks were difficult, I'll admit. I had a bad hemorrhage when Emilie was delivered and reconstruction after a bad tear so mobility was limited. I was getting my head round expressing breast milk, and I suffered retained placenta so was back and forth to the hospital.
These days we spent inside most of the time, with Triston doing the majority of outdoor trips with Alyssa. The housework was done but not exceptional.. but I didn't mind. I was too busy soaking in every last detail of my two babies.
When Triston returned back to work after 2.5 weeks, I had to pull myself together and get stronger so we could do things without him. 
It wasn't easy at first, things weren't perfect.. we ate freezer foods for dinner, the washing piled up quickly and we never got out the house before lunchtime.. but we were happy, and again, my confidence was rising and rising.
4 weeks on and we're doing great.. We're now settled into a routine where Emilie and Alyssa get equal amounts of attention and care. I'm slowly getting used to the chaotic, yet beautiful moments that fill our house with laughter. 
Since Emilie arrived Alyssa's behaviour has been great, which helps a lot! She is showing no signs of resentment and has not once hurt or showed jealousy towards Emilie. She's always helping and talking about her sister which I think is a big help!

Emilie herself is doing great, we've finally got her reflux 99% controlled, and on Friday we have an appt with her paediatrician to discuss the final stage of help they can give her to make it 100% under control. She's learnt to smile and is doing brilliantly with sleeping!

Of course, like I said, there are days where I get so overwhelmed by the bricks all over the floor, the baby sick in my hair and the sound of Cbeebies pounding in my head that I just shut the curtains, get us all back into our PJs and stick on a DVD to keep us all sane.. but I cherish these moments now, I'm no longer ashamed or trying to be the perfect parent.. I've realised that pleasing everyone else by having a tidy house, educational activities planned and a healthy homecooked dinner on the table is just too much sometimes, and totally not worth the stress. 
These moments will soon be in the past, and there's no point in stressing over things.. I'm just going with the flow and taking in every last minute of our crazy, crazy life! :)



Here's to a happy, healthy future.. with our two girls!

Stick around for my next blog, Tamar xox